◉ 015 | Say My Name Out Loud

My name is Anton.

Kids often teased me for it—

called me something else.

Ante.

Antun.

Antoine.

But most often: Antuntun—

a character from a children’s poem

we all had to read in school.

I hated it.

—

Antuntun lives in the tenth village.

He plants eggs in the garden.

Grabs darkness with a pot.

And tries to teach a fish how to sing.

He isn’t stupid—just different.

He does things his own way.

Doesn’t care what others think.

And that’s what makes him him.

And unforgettable.

—

We were visiting my grandpa, Ante.

It seems I got a modern twist of his name.

From his terrace, you could almost touch the sea.

But to get there, you had to descend one hundred steps.

I went alone.

Down to the beach.

Jumping from rock to rock.

Then I saw some girls,

maybe five or six of them.

They were local.

“What’s your name?” they asked.

“Toni”, I said.

They were playing a game.

One by one, they’d dive underwater,

come up, catch a breath,

say a top model’s name—

then go straight back under.

No pause.

No hesitation.

If you hesitated, you were out.

It was all about rhythm.

Kate Moss.

.

Naomi Campbell.

.

Cindy Crawford.

.

Christy Turlington.

.

Uma Thurman.

.

Claudia Schiffer.

.

Linda Evangelista.

.

Helena Christensen.

They told me their rooms were full of posters.

They knew all the names by heart.

I didn’t know who most of the models were.

I didn’t even understand what a top model does.

But I felt accepted.

Then I saw my parents waving from the terrace.

Before I left, I turned to the girls and said—

“Actually, my name is Anton.

I don’t know why I said Toni.”

One of the girls smiled.

“We like Anton even more”, she said.

I was salty, tired, and sun-warmed.

The names still spun around my head.

Anton.

Toni.

Kate.

Linda.

Naomi.

Too many to hold on to.

At the bottom of the stairs, I paused.

One hundred steps back to the house.

Although exhausted from swimming and diving,

with each step, I felt a little taller.

Like I was carrying less.

Like I’d left some baggage behind down at the beach.

By the time I reached the top,

I loved Anton very much.