◉ 063 | How I Bribed the Cops

“Motherfuckers.”

That was the only word

on my mind

when a cop

with a lollipop

jumped

in front of my car.

It was

three in the morning.

The senior cop

was leaning

on the bonnet

of the police car.

A young cop

walked over.

“Did you have

any alcoholic drinks

tonight?”

“Yes.”

“How many?”

“A few.”

“Are you willing

to take

a breath test?”

“Sure.”

I blew

into the machine.

0.59 promille.

“We deduct

0.05

for instrument tolerance,”

he said.

“That makes it

0.54.”

The legal limit

was 0.50.

“But that’s

barely over,”

I said.

“I live here.

Just down

the road.”

He walked away.

The senior cop

didn’t move.

He kept leaning

on the bonnet.

I waited.

The young cop

came back.

“Driver licence,

please.”

Then he walked

away again

before I could

hand it to him.

I read it

as the signal:

leave the money

inside.

My licence

was an old-school

pink booklet.

I used it

as a wallet.

Inside

were two notes:

20 Croatian kuna,

about $4,

and 200 kuna,

about $40.

You usually gave

cops

between 100

and 200 kuna.

But 200

felt like

too much.

I was only

0.04 promille

over.

So I took out

the 200

and left

the 20.

The young cop

came back.

I handed him

the licence.

He opened it

and shone

his torch

inside.

He pulled

his head back

and grimaced.

Then he took

the money.

“You’re good

to go.

Have a good night.”

I drove

down my street

thinking:

“It was cheap

this time.”