◉ 054 | You Deserve All The Wine

In 2024,

Maja and I flew

to Sydney

for my cousin’s funeral.

First flight

out of Melbourne.

Last flight

back home.

That was

the plan.

We left the boys

at home.

Fourteen

and eleven.

They went to school.

Came back.

Ate the food

we had left

for them.

Played games.

And

waited for us.

Our flight was

delayed.

It was past 11 pm.

We finally

boarded the plane

back to Melbourne.

We started

moving.

Slowly.

Taxiing

across the tarmac.

And then

the plane stopped.

We sat there

near the edge

of the runway

for half an hour.

Waiting.

Looking

through the window

with no idea

what was happening.

Then we saw

fire trucks

driving towards us.

That didn’t

look good.

Then the captain

spoke.

We were leaking

fuel.

They stopped

the leak.

But we returned

to the terminal.

We disembarked.

They told us

to find a hotel

and book

the first flight

in the morning.

Fuck.

The boys went

to bed

by themselves

that night.

They were safe.

Old enough.

Maybe.

Capable,

yes.

But still.

We slept

at some airport motel.

Or tried to

sleep.

The facts

were simple.

They were home.

They had eaten.

They were in bed.

They were safe.

Dads care.

Of course

we do.

But mothers seem

to care

from somewhere else.

Somewhere older.

Somewhere deeper

in the body.

A place

before language.

The worry

that still keeps travelling

after the plane

has stopped.

You deserve

all the wine.

Any day now.

Happy Mother’s Day.